LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



French's International Copyrighted (i 
the United States) Edition of the 



016 103 251 7 

No. 234. 



44 THE VARSITY COACH 



B College plas In ffour Bete 



BY 



EUNICE T. GRAY 



99 



Copyright 1912, by Samuel French 



CAUTION.- Amateurs and Professionals are hereby warned 
that " The Varsity Coach,** being fully protected under the 
copyright laws of the United States, is subject to royalty, 
and any one presenting the play without the consent of 
the publisher will be liable to the penalties by law pro- 
vided. Application for the right to produce *' The Varsity 
Coach,** must be made to Samuel French, 28-30 West 
38th Street, New York City. 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 



PRICE 25 CENTS 



New York 
SAMUEL FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 

28-30 WEST 3Sth STREET 



London 

SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 

26 Southampton Street 

STRAND 



# 



"THE VARSITY COACH" 



H College IPUb in ffouc Beta 



BY 



EUNICE T. GRAY 



Copyright 1912, by Samuel French 



CAUTION.— Amateurs and Professionals are hereby 'warned 
that " The Varsity Coach," being fully protected under the 
copyright laws of the United States, is subject to royalty, 
and any one presenting the play without the consent of 
the publisher will be liable to the penalties by law pro- 
vided. Application for the right to produce " The Varsity 
Coach,** must be made to Samuel French, 28-30 West 
38th Street, New York City. 

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 



PRICE 25 CENTS 



New York 
SAMUEL FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 

28-30 WEST 38th STREET 



London 
SAMUEL FRENCH, Ltd. 

26 Southampton Street, 
STRAND 






TMP92-009362 



© CI. D 3114J 



V^t 



THE VARSITY COACH 



CAST OF CHARACTERS. 

Robert Selby. Assistant coach of ' Varsity 'Crew, 
commonly called " Bob." He is lively, energetic 
and careless. 

Mousie Kent. He is a typical fussy student " dig " 
or " grind:' 

Howard Dixon. Bob's room-mate. A good comedy 
character. 

Dick Elsworth. A member of the crew. He is fat 
and lazy. 

Chester Allen. His room-mate — both jolly college 
boys. Chester is responsible and dignified. 

Ruth Moore. Leading female character. A sweet 
serious type of college girl, ivith much natural dig- 
nity and charm. 

Mrs. Moore. Ruth's aunt, in charge of boarding 
house for students. A widow who has made her 
way. Is gay and dressy and a " good fellow." 

Miss Serena Selby. Bob's aunt. A sweet maiden 
lady, gentle, refined, with old-fashioned ideas and 
manners, but tvith a ~kind and generous nature. 

Genevieve Allen. Typical college girl. Chester's 
sister. 

Ethel Lynn. A pretty college girl. 

Daisy Doane. A fashionable boarding-school girl, 
bright and attractive. 

3 



4 THE VARSITY COACH 

(Additional students may be introduced at party in 
Bob's room, and in the march and scenes on 
campus if desired, to add to atmosphere of college 
life.) 

COSTUMES MODERN. 

Scenes. 

Act 1st. Robert Selby's room. 

Act 2nd. Same as Act 1st. 

Act 3rd. University Campus. 

Act 4th. Same as Act 3rd. 



THE VARSITY COACH 



ACT I. 



Scene: — Robert Selby's room at college. Door r. 
in flat leading onto a rear porch. Desk r. 
Table l. ■Couch up c. Chairs, smoking -stand 
and other furnishings ad lib. College flags and 
banners to give college atmosphere. 

DISCOVERED Robert at desk, working over papers. 
His hair is ruffled and he clutches his forehead 
in an effort to study while Howard, Dick 
and Chester play on mandolins and banjos, 
singing a college song as curtain rises. Song 
continues for a short time to show situation. 
Finally Robert — ("Bob") rises and shakes fist 
at them. 

Bob. Ring off. you choir boys ! Don't you see I 
want to work ? 

Dick, (in amazement) Work? You? 

Chester, (tone of extreme astonishment) My 
dear Bobbie — worrrrk ? 

Howard. He's just trying to start something, 
fellows. He doesn't mean it. Work and Bobbie ne'er 
were friends. 

Bob. T do mean it, you willie-boy, and if you 
weren't my room-mate and handy round the house 
I'd put you out to prove it. 

Dies, (mournfully) The day after our triumph- 
ant regatta, and our assistant head-coach trying to 
grind ! 

5 



6 THE VARSITY COACH 

Chester. That this should happen to our Eobert 
— I am pained ! 

Howard. What is the old University coming to? 

Bob. (ignoring them, counts pages he has written) 
One, two, three, four — Gee ! I'll never get this thesis 
done ! 

Howard. I know what's the matter with Bobbie. 

Bob. (continues counting pages) Five, six, seven, 
eight — (shuffles through papers frantically searching 
for a missing number) 

Dick, (pretends to weep) Bob's coming down 
with the mumps, the lusty youngster ! 

Bob. Where in thunder's nine? (looks under 
table, over papers again, and finally fishes it from 
under the couch. Anchors a pile under a paper- 
weight with a mighty thump) 

Howard, (toothers) Hist! He's in love ! 

Omnes. (lamentingly) Ah! 

Bob. (rises and turns on them) Beat it! 

Dick, (avoiding him) She's a pretty girl, Bobbie, 
and we all love her ! 

Bob. (takes him by the collar) Clear out. 
(throws him through door) 

Chester, (as Bob starts for him) Be not hasty, 
Robert. 

Bob. Skidoo ! 

(Chester makes hasty exit.) 

Bother the old thesis any way ! Where was I ? 

Howard, (close to door) Over here by the door 
throwing out your friends, (as Bob makes threaten- 
ing movement) I'll join them, (exits. Bob seats 
himself at table again. Chester sticks his head in 
at door for a brief moment) Excuse me if I seem to 
hurry ! 

(Bob throws a paper-weight in his direction.) 
Bob. (solus) Tf theorem seven is true" it proves 



THE VARSITY COACH 7 

two and six also true — (starts to write, then looks 
toward door and speaks scornfully) In love? Bosh ! 
(resumes) If theorem seven is true — (looks off 
all cad of him dreamily) Enthie — you're a peach! 
(slams papers around) Oh, hang this thesis ! 
(scribbles for a moment uninterruptedly) 

Howard, (puts head into door, then enters) 
Merry Christmas, Bob! Hate to interrupt, (dis- 
plays large package) Found this in the hall and had 
to bring it in to keep the fellows from cribbing it. 

Bob. (without looking up) Stack it away some- 
where. I haven't time to look at it now. This is 
Thursday and almost the end of the term. 

Howard, (lays box on couch) Seriously, Bob — 
why all this sudden flurry about studying? 

Bob. Because I've just tumbled to it that for a 
year I've thought of nothing but athletics — all the 
mind I had was bent on muscle, and now that we've 
won the regatta 

Howard. Hooray ! You bet we won ! 

Bob. (continuing) I've had time to take a look at 
the scholastic side of my score. I haven't my 
Mathematical thesis in yet. If I get back next term 
it will be a miracle. And if I don't — Watch my hair 
turning gray at the thought ! 

Howard. And a while back you talked of going 
in for the Fell owes prize and Phi Beta Kappa. 

Bob. And forgot it all through my interest in our 
crew. Instead — another chap from our town has gone 
in for the prize — and I guess he'll win too. 

Howard. I didn't know Mousie Kent was from 
your town. He's after an additional prize besides the 
Fellowes and Phi Beta Kappa. Did you know it ? 

Bob. What prize? 

Howard. "Ruth Moore. He's hard hit — poor old 
grind ! 

Bob. (with attempted carelessness) Well, that's 
all right. Miss Moore isn't mortgaged as yet, I be- 



8 THE VARSITY COACH 

lieve. (grinding his teeth) I wish Mousie Kent 
boxed. 

Howard. Why ? 

Bob. I've a sudden feeling I'd like to put on the 
gloves with him. He's out for other prizes, is he ? 

Howard, (bends down and reads address printed 
on box) For Mr. Robert Selby from Miss vSerena 
Selby, Hammond, Illinois. 

Bob. (springs up, flinging down papers) From 
Aunt Serena? Maybe it's eats — bless her heart! 
After keeping on diet with the crew to encourage 
them — I'm ready for some feed. Open her up — 
quick! (goes to box and with Howard begins to 
unwrap it) 

Howard. But your thesis. 

Bob. The thesis can wait. It ought to be used 
to it by this time. 

Howard, (as they work at box) I remember like 
yesterday that pie she sent Thanksgiving — and that 
turkey — gobble gobble yum ! 

Chester, (thrusts head through door) Who said 
turkey? (enters) 

Dick, (same business) Who uttered mince pie? 

Bob. Come hither, idiots. 

Chester. We will, bird of our feather. 

Bob. (with box in hands) From Aunt Serena, 
boys she never forgets me. What a dear old soul she 
is. Been a mother to me as you know. When my 
mother died Aunt Serena took me and brought me up 
and sent me to this University. I sometimes think 
I am not doing all I can for her to recompense her 
for all this expense. I love her boys, love her as 
though she was my mother. Do you blame me? "Now 
boys we will open the box. (opens the box) 

Omnes. Hurrah for Aunt Serena. 

(0 nines go flier about box.) 
Bob. Jump in, fellows, and help grab the goodies. 



THE VARSITY COACH 9 

Howard, (opens up one of the enclosed smaller 
boxes) Hurrah ! Cookies ! Doughnuts ! 

Dick, {making a discovery) Here's a eake as big 
as Prof. Methewson's swelled head ! 

Bob. (a long, flat package in his hand) I can't 
make out whether this is dried beef or socks, (feels 
of it through paper) 

Howard. Eat it and find out. 

Dick, (as he sets various jars on table) Here's 
a jelly and a jam, and jam, and jamb, and we don't 
care a lamb ! 

Bob. (undoes a big paper package and from it fall 
gaudily flowered cretonne furnishing — couch-cover, 
table spread, mantel-drapery . cushion-covers, laun- 
dry-bag etc.) Holloa! Wheat's this — that — those? 

Howard, (picks up laundry-bag and ties it around 
Bob's waist) Looks like a Dutch fair. Put on your 
little apron and find out. 

("Laundry" should be in big letters across front of 
bag he puts on Bob as apron.) 

Dick, (looks at articles on table) Well, it's a 
Dutch feed all right. 

Chester. Gifts from the flowery kingdom ! 

Dick. Who is your Oriental friend? 

Bob. (reads m note he has discovered pinned to 
spread) " Some things from your Aunt Serena to 
make your room look home-like." (scratches head a 
bit ruefully) Oh, Aunt Serena, home was never 
quite like unto this ! 

Howard, (drapes flowered table-spread about his 
waist and dances around) My, isn't this skipful ! 

Chester. Wow ! Those colors give me a pain in 
the teeth. Hide them away, Bob, or the fellows will 
kill you. 

Dick, (looks then turns away shuddering) Wow! 
My eye-sight wavers ! Remove this visible inflamma- 
tion ! 



10 THE VARSITY COACH 

Howard. Come on. (opens a closet door) Let's 
dump them all in here until the rag-man calls. 

(They gather up the draperies and throw them 
into the closet.) 

Bob. (calmly but seriously) Just kindly bring all 
those things out again, will you ? 

Howard, (brings out couch-cover) What for, 
Bob? 

(Dick and Chester also pick up draperies.) 

Bob. Howard, would you mind spreading that 
elegant Oriental drape you have in your hand over my 
couch ? 

Howard. Serious ? 

Bob. Yep. 

Howard, (spreads it over couch) Well, since 
you're a friend of mine — and even if you are crazy — 
(throws himself on couch after arranging spread) 
This is the first time I ever reposed on a bed of roses. 
Fan me, Cleopatra ! 

Bob. Your piece, Dick, goes on the mantel, I 
believe. 

Chester, (examines the piece in his hand as Dick 
spreads drape on mantel) Name this and you can 
have it ! 

Bob. We'll call that a table-spread. 

(Chester waltzes over to table and puts on the 
spread — addresses it.) 

Chester. Oh, you wriggly tomato vine ! 
(Bob does not seem to know what to do with some 
gaudy cushion covers. He puts one on the back 
of a chair, one over the corner of a picture, and 
spreads out one on the chest of the recumbent 
Howard.) 

Howard. Cover me over with beautiful flowers ! 

Chester, (in deep tones) The crazy house is now 



THE VARSITY COACH 11 

ready to receive inmates. Xo one admitted through 
the key-hole ! 

Dick. I say, Bob. (seriously) You're not going 
to inflict these flowered nightmare tilings on your 
friends that never did you any harm? 

Chestee. Banish them, Bobbie, or we'll have to 
call you Grandma Bobinette ! 

Bob. You can call me what you please. But 
Aunt Serena liked these things — bless her dear kind 
heart! She liked them, and senl them thinking to 
please me. And for that reason if no other they stay 
right out in plain sight even if they put your eyes 
out and remove your teeth. All of you fellows can 
put that in your pipes and smoke it. 

Howaed. (slowly sits up. staring al Bge. and at the 
others who stare back at him and then at Bob. Bob 
stands with arms folded in attitude of defiance. 
Howaed speaks slowly and in deep tones of com- 
mand) Everybody smoke ! 

(Omnes go through solemn pantomime of puffing at 
pipes. Bob laughs and starts to pass around a 
box of cakes.) 

Bob. Cookies ! Help yourself. 

Dick, (taking cookies from box) I say — it seems 
some good to be able to eat without stopping to think 
whether it will injure your stroke ! 

Chestee. (takes cake) I'm starved. I've been 
on the lake all morning. 

Bob. War's over now, Sonnie. Can't you break 
practice ? 

Chestee. This was for pleasure. 

Bob. How many of her? 

Chestee. My sister and Daisy Doane. I rowed 
them up to the point and back just to show how we 
did it. (goes through vigorous rowing motions) 

Howaed. (displaying lively interest) I say — is 
Daisy Doane here? 



12 THE VARSITY COACH 

Chester. She came up to the regatta yesterday 
with Genevieve. Didn't yon see her? 

Howard. I never saw anything from snn-np 'till 
snn-down but this old chap's anxious face. Do you 
suppose Howard Dixon, room-mate of the renowned 
assistant coach here (indicates Bob) could see any- 
thing at all the day of the race? Her hat was 
trimmed with some yellow bunches or other, wasn't 
it? 

Bob., That shows how bad his eye-sight was. 

Howard. How long is she going to stay, Chet? 

Chester. The rest of the week with my sister 
Genevieve. 

Bob. (animatedly) Lasso her sure for the feed 
here in my room to-morrow night. Will you? 

Chester, (month full of cake) Mhmh! 

Bob. Talking about feed — let's save something for 
the ladies. 

(Passes swiftly along and takes cakes from months 
and hands of hoys, dumping them back in the 
oox.) 

Howard. Feed? Up here in our room? 

Bob. Yes, with a view of the illuminated lake 
afterward from our balcony. 

Chester. (walks to window overlooking lake) 
Keen idea ! The view will be great and the girls will 
think it is a lark to be entertained in your room. 

Dick. Who will chaperone? 

Howard. Mrs. Moore, she's just the person. 

Dick. Has Mrs. Moore agreed to chaperone? 

(knock at door) 

Bob. That's the answer now. Mrs. Moore's knock, 
or you can kick me. 

Howard. You've a kick coming all right, (as 
Bob goes toward door the other fellows line up raising 
a foot as if to kick if he is mistaken) 



THE VARSITY COACH 13 

(Enter Mrs. Moore, gazes in amazement at fellows 
standing in a row.) 

Mrs. Moore. Well, what did you boys think was 
coming in? A cane-rush? 

"Bob. Excuse their bad manners and keep your eye 
on me, Mrs. Moore. Have a chair? 

Mrs. Moore, (goes to sit on conch. Looks in 
amazement at bright floivers and hesitates) Wh — 
why — who — what 

Dick. Bob's room has broken out in a rash, Mrs. 
Moore. 

Bob. Just received a home supply from my Aunt 
Serena 

Howard. Not so explosive as it looks. You're 
safe, Mrs. Moore. 

Mrs. Moore, (as she sits) Well, what is the idea 
of this affair to-morrow night ? It seems to me when 
there has been so much going on 

Bob. (ivheedlingly) Now, you're not going to 
object, Mrs. Moore, I know you're not. You're a 
valuable little member of our crew, you know 

Mrs. Moore. None of your coaching tactics here, 
Bobbie Selby. I say there's been too much nonsense 
going on of late, and somebody's studies are going to 
suffer. 

Bob. Going to? (scratches head ruefully) If it 
were only "going to!" (turns to her appealingly) 
But with the lake illumination to-morrow night 

Howard, (ivheedlingly, sitting other side of her) 
And when Bob's promised the girls the view from his 
balcony here 

Dick, (coming closer) And with Bobbie's aunt 
sending him a carload of feed just in time 

Bob, Surely you'll lend us your presence. 

Mrs. Moore, (shakes head "no") You can't 
wheedle me, Bobbie Selby. 

Bob. (jollying her) Not for the world! Fellows, 



14 THE VARSITY COACH 

did you hear her say I couldn't wheedle her? And 
she's right. Mrs. Moore is one woman in a thou- 
sand 

(Mes. Moore clears throat and rather consciously 

fixes hair.) 

Bob. (continued) She understands college men 
down to the ground! (Mes. Mooee spreads out a 
fan and waves it in a manner to show that slip is 
highly flattered) She's just the one to run the house 
for a lot of rah rah boys ! That's why when she 
makes up her mind that she is the one to ehaperone 
the party to-morrow night it's no use any of you 
fellows trying to work in your sisters and your cousins 
and your aunts. We have invited the Glee Club 
who have accepted, too. It's Mrs. Moore or no one, 
say I ! 

(Surreptitiously pokes Chestee in the stomach with 
his rllww. Chestee doubles over, making a 
wry face.) 

Mes. Mooee. (smiles, flattered into acceptance) 
Well, how many extra cups will you need? 

Bob. Xine, I believe, counting in Miss Doane. 

Howaed. (winking at other boys) Did you count 
in Euthie, Bob? 

Bob. I began with Euthie. 

Dick. Of course you didn't need to invite Euthie 
if you didn't wish it, Bob. 

Bob. (nettled) What lunatic said I didn't wish 
to? Quit your kidding. 

Chestee. Mrs. Moore, did you ever notice how 
conscientiously Bob avoids the society of your niece? 

Mes. Mooee. I trust that Euthie's mind is entirely 
on her studies, and that if I permit her to come here 
to-morrow evening 

Bob. (as if suddenly recollecting) Spoons! 
Spoons ! 



THE VARSITY COACH 15 

Mrs. Moore, (startled) WHAT? 

Bob. And plates and forks — that's what I meant. 

Bob. I have had a box from home, we are going 
to have a feed, bread and jam, doughnuts and 
chocolate cake. 

Mrs. Moore. That sounds good, a regular board- 
ing-school spread. 

Howard. Yes and we want you too, Mrs. Moore. 
You are the best ever. 

Mrs. Moore. You can have me, and don't you 
want my lunch napkins? Paper ones are so 
clammy. 

Bob. Thanks, Mrs. Moore, jovl are certainly 
generous. 

Mrs. Moore, (rising) Well, I guess for this once 
I'll consent to let you have all the extra dishes you 
want. The room must be in apple-pie order, though, 
when the girls come. Don't forget that ! 

Omxes. We won't ! 

Chester. What are we going to have to drink, 
Mrs. Moore? 

Bob. Coffee, you inebriate. What did you sup- 
pose? 

Dick. Tea is the ladies' drink. 

Bob. Ladies don't drink anyhow — they merely 
sip! 

(Makes delicate imitative movement.) 

Chester. Well, my sister won't touch coffee at 
night. Says she can't sleep if she as much as smells 
it. 

Dick. I SAID tea ! 

Howard. We had coffee at Baxter's chafing-dish 
party. This will be a Kaffee Klatch all right. 

Bob. I'll bet Mrs. Moore says coffee ! 

Dick. I can hear her warble tea ! 

Howard. Mrs. Moore for Mocha and Java ! 

Chester. I see tea in her eye ! 



16 THE VARSITY COACH 

Bob. We stand or fall by your decision, Mrs. 
Moore. 

Mrs. Moore, (after slight pause) Chocolate. 

Omxes. Of course ! 

Bcb. Why didn't we think of that before? 

Mrs. Moore, (rises) Well, this is my busy day, 
go ahead with your party, boys, and I'll help you. 

All. Thanks, Mrs. Moore. 

Mrs. Moore. Now I must be off. Good-night 
boys ! 

Omnes. Thanks. Good-night etc. (ad lib.) 

(Exit Mrs. Moore.) 

Bob. Me back to my thesis now and the midnight 
oil! 

Dick. We mustn't forget student-body election in 
the gay social whirl. 

Bob. That's so, it's Monday afternoon isn't it ? 

Chester. Tuesday at two P. M. You are going 
to be the goat too, and don't you forget it. 

Bob. Me? I'm not up for office, I haven't the 
time fellows, don't ask me. 

Chester. We aren't a-askin' you, we are goin' to 
put you in without asking, and you won't refuse, why. 
Bob the salary is a thousand ! 

Bob. You mean you want to see me elected head- 
coach ? 

Dick. Sure. 

Bob. (shakes Ms head) Don't count on it fellows. 
I'd like it well enough, the job as well as the money, 
but Harding is the man for it. All the men have con- 
fidence in him and he has more time than I have. 

Howard. Time nothing. You can do it twenty 
times easier than Harding and we are going to put 
you in. 

Chester. Don't get diggy, be game, you can be 
coach just as easy as that — if you make up your mind 
to it. 



THE VARSITY COACH 17 

Bob. Well you fellows are mighty encouraging, 
thanks, HI think it over. Of course Fd like it, but 
— well, Harding has good friends too. 
^ Howard, (grandly) Not like us. (three fellows 
line up with arms on each others shoulders and sing 
a line or two of 'and we are jolly good fellows/ etc.) 
Bob. (runs his hand through his hair) Of course 
I'd like it — you fellows are mighty encouraging — ■ 
but — I — (roars at them) Get out of here and let me 
alone ! ( o m n es m ake h asty exit. Bob & its at desk and 
gets to work at thesis again) The boys want me for 
head coach, do they ? Wonder if I stand any chance 
of being elected ? Fd be a fool not to take it and the 
thousand a year that goes with it. That would help 
me without Aunt Serena spending so much of her 
money for me, but— Oh, you thesis! Shall I— Oh 
shall I ever conquer you. 

(Dips pen in ink and madly scribbles.) 
CURTAIN. 



ACT II. 



Scene : — Same as Act I. Boom is in company order. 
Cushion-covers are now on cushions instead of 
draped around loose. Table L. at which Mrs. 
Moore sits presiding over a chafing-dish. Girls 
are in evening dress. They all have napkins 
and plates in their laps and are chattering about 
the regatta as curtain rises. 

DISCOVERED :— Bob, Chester, Dick, Howard, 
Mrs. Moore, Ruth, Ethel, Daisy, and Gen- 
evieve. Others may be added if wished. 

Dick. Bob, that rare-bit you concocted was cer- 
tainly a lallapaloozle ! 



18 THE VARSITY COACH 

Ethel. So say we all of us ! 

Mks. Mooee. To my mind the delicacies from Mr. 
Selby's aunt should have the highest honors. She 
seems a sort of guardian angel — is always sending him 
something. 

Bob. A dear little old-fashioned angel — that's 
just what she is ! I wish you might meet her, Euth. 

(Turns to Ruth who is silting at his side.) 

Euth. I was away the last time she visited you, I 
believe. 

Bob. That was in my Freshman year. She came 
down and saw me safely installed at Professor 
Brown's with Mousie Kent as a room-mate. 

Euth. Oh, then you and Mousie Kent WERE 
friends once upon a time ! 

Chester. That was before they were rivals ! 

Euth. (perplexed) Rivals? 

Bob. (hastily) He's merely babbling, Ruth — it's a 
habit of his. When I went on the crew it looked 
as if I ought to be nearer the athletic men, so I left 
Mousie and picked up Howard here. 

Chester. Pretty, poor pickins ! 

Howard. Don't listen to Chefs slander. Miss 
Doane. I'm mighty nice furniture when you get used 
to my looks. 

Daisy. But I'm not searching for furniture. 

Howard, (moves slightly away from her side) 
Stung ! Just for that you shan't have anything more 
to eat ! 

(Takes plate etc. from her lap and sets them on table. 
Others follow suit (hiring ensuing conversation.) 

Dick. You broke Bob up on his study habits 
pretty well that first year, Howard. 

Howard. I thought it was up to me to do so, after 
I discovered his aquatic skill. 

Chester. It's great to be an all-round athlete 



THE VARSITY COACH 19 

like Bob. He's a prize card for the old university all 
right ! 

Bob. What do you want for that, Chet ? Another 
cookie? Oh here comes the Glee Club. (Glee Club 
enters) 

Bob. (shaking hands with each of the Glee Club) 
Welcome — Welcome to our party, (o nines) Wel- 
come. Welcome, (the Glee 'Club bowing, after which 
sing two or three songs. Ten or fifteen minutes of 
music or oilier specialities should le introduced here, 
then the extra characters or Glee Club exit during the 
applause of all the characters) 

Bob. They are great — simply great — don't you 
think so, Mrs. Moore? 

Mrs. Mooee. We certainly do — but — Don't for- 
get to show the girls some of your trophies, Bob. 

Bob. (rather bashfully) They wouldn't be inter- 
ested. 

Daisy. Wouldn't we ? That's all you know about 
girls. 

Bob. I don't even know that much, but I'm 
willing to learn. 

Howard, (takes articles from drawer) Badge — 
medal — cup ! 

Genevieve, (holding up badge) What won you 
this? 

Bob. Beating the previous college record on a 
high-pole vault by a quarter of an inch — that's all. 

Daisy, (holds up medal) What's this? 

Bob. A tennis trophy won from a rival college 
team last year. Howard was my partner. 

Howard. A pretty limp one. I was off my feed 
at the time. 

Dick. Yep, Bob was master your side of the net. 

Ruth. I remember those slashing cross cuts and 
sizzling passes he made as if it were but yesterday! 

Bob. (delighted) You remember, Ruth? You 
were interested enough for that ? 



20 THE VARSITY COACH 

Ruth, (mischievously) Interested in tennis — 
yes! 

Howard, (delighted) Stung! I'm not the only 
one. 

Mrs. Moore. And that cup, Mr. Selby. 

Bob. Won by our crew last year. I was a feather- 
weight, and my pull being steady and strong they 
made me head-stroke. 

Howard. That was the time old Dick here fainted 
in the scull and almost lost us the race. 

Hick. Don't ! Tell a man that he was a criminal, 
but never remind him that he muffed his crew ! 

Bob. "We won out anyhow — old boy. The Grays 
were half a length behind when it happened, and in 
a jiffy they skimmed past and left us wabbling at 
their heels. I was working like a machine at the 
time, putting forth all my strength as I thought, 
when all at once old Brown — the head-coach — gave a 
hoarse whisper at me through the megaphone : " Yon 
going to let 'em get away with it, Bobbie? It's all 
up to you ! " Brown was a wonder ! He knew I was 
using only half the power in me, though I didn't 
know it myself. We were only a few lengths from 
the goal when he said it, and it had to be a spurt 
or nothing, and then I found out that I'd just been 
asleep before. My muscles bulged out like live steel 
— I found myself breathing clear down to my toes. 
" Keep up with Bobbie," the coach called to the other 
half naked, sweating boys toiling in the scull, and in 
another moment we shot past the Grays and touched 
goal a third of a length ahead. That Brown was a 
wonder ! 

Mrs. Moore. Our Robert was the wonder ! 

Diok. You bet he was. Three cheers for our next 
head-coach ! 

Omxes. Rah ! Rah ! Rah ! (a bright light is seen 
through balcony door) 

Howard, (ivho has stepped out on balcony during 



THE VARSITY COACH 21 

the cheering enters hurriedly) I say we are missing 
the illumination, come on out on the balcony, the 
Lake looks great ! 

Bob. (turns vaguely) Yes, we mustn't miss it. 

Dick, (glances at watch) It's time for the show, 
sure enough, we don't want to miss the fire-works. 

Genevieve, (rises) 0, no, let's go out and see it ! 

Chester. Come on Mrs. Moore, (places wrap 
about her and leads her and Ethel out) 

Howaed. (takes Daisy, ushers Jier out) 

Bob. (carries chair and cushions out, Dick and 
Genevieve follow, Ruth remains looking at Kodak 
album, Bob enters) 

Bob. Coming, Ruth? 

Ruth. Are these pictures of your home, Bob? 

Bob. Yes, snap-shots around the place. 

Ruth. Isn't it a picturesque town? 

Bob. Yes, Hammond is a nice little town, one of 
those neighborly little villages where everybody leads 
the simple life, and where there has never been a 
breath of scandal. Our family has lived in the same 
house in that town ever since it was founded, in fact 
my grandfather founded the town. 

Ruth. Isn't that wonderful ! How different from 
this place ! Even as a University town, it has an air 
of modern superficiality, which somehow seems to 
destroy all homeliness. 

Bob. You are a serious little woman, aren't you 
Ruth ? I wonder what you think of me ? 

Ruth. Fishing Bob? 

Bob. iSTo, honest, I wish I could think there was 
something in my rattle-pate that could make you like 
me ever so little, Ruth. 

Ruth, (rises and goes toward window) 0, Bob, 
don't be sentimental. We are missing the illumina- 
tion, (moves toward exit to balcony) 

Bob. I wanted you to miss some of the fireworks 
and talk to me. 



22 THE VARSITY COACH 

Ruth. About what? 

Bob. About the little grouch you've had lately. 
I can feel that you approve of me even less than 
usual — and I'd like to know why. 

Ruth, (looking down, fools with the scarf) What 
difference does it make whether I approve of you or 
not? 

Bob. Do you — honestly — wish me to — answer that 
question ? 

Ruth, (startled) Not now — no ! 

Bob. (seats himself on couch beside her) I can 
say this much — that I care worlds for your good 
opinion. 

Ruth. Why don't you prove it then ? 

Bob. How ? 

Ruth, (with an impatient sigh) I see that you 
have entirely forgotten that little lecture I read you 
after vou first went in for athletics. 

Bob. So— that* it ! 

Ruth. Yes, that's it. I don't know why I should 
care what you make of yourself 

Bob. Do you care? Ruthie, say you do, and you 
can lead me around with a dog-collar and chain ! 

Ruth. I don't think they'd become you, Bobbie. 

Bob. Tell me my sins. 

Ruth. Oh, they're not sins — but it's athletics, 
society, dramatics — everything — except just plain 
study. It's a wonder you aren't flunked out ! 

Bob. I had a slight scare on that subject myself. 
But I've always been lucky 

Ruth. There you are ! That's all you care. 
You've forgotten everything but that it's great to be 
an all round athlete. Your success has made you 
undervalue the mental part of college life — the part 
that prepares you for x your actual work in the world. 

Bob. (slowly) I guess that's about right. But if 
I try to brace up for your sweet sake 

Ruth. !NTo — no sentimental spasms of conscience 



THE VARSITY COACH 23 

for MY sweet sake. For the sake of your aunt 
Serena, — or better still for your own sake — but leave 
me out of it. 

Bob. I want to make good, Ruth, for Aunt 
Serena's sake as well as yours. She expected great 
things of me ; my father was a man with a fine mind 
and limited opportunities and she hoped that I would 
do the things which he longed to do. I know I have 
been a disappointment all around, (rises and walks 
away moodily) Whether I have failed as a student 
or not — I'm a failure with you all right. That's plain 
to be seen, and it hurts, Euth — it hurts. 

(Laughing voices from balcony) 

Dick, (heard from balcony) Bob, Bob, come here ! 

Mrs. Moore, (from balcony) Ruth, where are 
yon? 

Bob. Shall we go? 

Ruth, (shakes head) Please leave me alone a 
little while. I believe I'm cross, and I want to get 
over it. 

(Bob boivs, and exits onto balcony.) 

Ruth, (takes up the silver cup) Bob, dear, big, 
wonderful Bob ! If you can only be shamed into 
making the most of yourself — (knock at outside door. 
Ruth calls toward window but just as she speaks 
there is a gale of laughter that drowns her out) 
Bob, some one at the door ! (after a pause, she goes 
and opens door herself. Miss Selby steps in, carry- 
ing a bag) 

Miss Selby. (hesitating on threshold) Good- 
evening. I think I have made a mistake. Can you 
tell me which is Mr. Selby's, Mr. Robert Selby's 
room? The maid told me this was it, but she must 
have misdirected me. 

Ruth. This is Mr. Selbv's room. Will you come 
in? 



24 THE VARSITY COACH 

Miss Selby. (mildly amazed) It is? (comes in 
and looks about curiously) I am his aunt, Miss 
Selby, I came up in the 'bus — and — can you tell 
me — ? No, you needn't! (looks about with pride) 
How proud the dear boy must have been of the things 
I sent him to put them up so soon ! 

Ruth. Oh, then }-ou're his Aunt Serena ! 

Miss Selby. Yes, I got home-sick to see him and 
just thought I'd run down and take him by surprise. 
(hands Ruth a loiter) Here's a letter I found on 
the little table just ontside in the hall. It's addressed 
to Robert — so that made me feel sure this was his 
room. 

Ruth. I'll place it right here on his desk. 

Miss Selby. And where is the dear boy? 

Ruth. I was just going to call him. He's on the 
balcony with a little party he invited to see the 
illumination on the lake in honor of the regatta, 
triumph. 

Miss Selby. (stops her as she starts toward balcony 
door) Don't call him — not right now, at least. Let 
me i est just a minute first. 

(Ruth runs back and sets a chair for her.) 

Ruth. Let me help you off with your bonnet. 
You must be very tired. It's quite a journey from 
Hammond. I understand. Bob will be so surprised ! 
(she puts Miss Selby's hat and wrap to one side) 

Miss Selby. (tremulously) And do you think 
he'll be glad to see me? He has such hosts of young- 
friends — and I'm afraid I'm getting sort of old and 
out of it. 

Ruth, (indignantly) Out of it? Our dear 
fathers and mothers and Aunt Serenas are never old 
and out of it in the hearts of those who love them. 
They're just the precious jewels of our lives ! NeyeT 
let Bob hear you talk that way — he wouldn't like it ! 

Miss Selby. (comforted) Well, mebbe not. 



THE VARSITY COACH 25 

Ruth, (pours chocolate and serves her) Here'? 
a cup of chocolate for you, and one of your own -fine 
cookies. 

Miss Selby. Thank you, child, (as she sips) I 
hope the girl Bob writes so much about is something 
like you, but I don't suppose there's any such good 
luck. There's no accountin' for young men's tastes. 
Ho hum ! T reckon that's why I'm still single my- 
self ! {sips) 

Ruth, (displays jealou.vj in spite of herself) He 
— writes — to you — about some girl ? 

Miss Selby. Yes — her name is — Esther some- 
thing or other. 

Ruth, (thinking) Esther! 

Miss Selby. KNOW her? 

Ruth, (rather coldly) I don't believe I have that 
pleasure. 

Miss Selby. Shaw — no ! Esther's not the name. 
But it's another of those old fashioned ones LIKE 
Esther— it's Ruth. 

Ruth, (sighs happily) Ruth? 

Miss Selby. Know her? 

Ruth. I ought to. 

Miss Selby. What kind of a girl is she ? 

Ruth. I think you'd better put that question to 
Bob instead of me. 

Miss Selby. I'm so glad the dear boy's won the 
prize ! T reckon that is really what brought me here. 

Ruth, (puzzled) The prize? 

Mtss Selby. Yes. the Fell owes prize. 0. he does 
not know that I know any thing about it, but the 
Hammond paper printed a long article last week 
and it seems practically certain that a Hammond 
boy has won it. When I read it T felt that I must 
come down and be with Robert when it was awarded, 

Ruth. Yes. (faintly) ves. — but — it hasn't been 
awarded yet. you know. Miss Selbv, there is always 
a possibility of its going to some other aspirant. 



26 THE VARSITY COACH 

Miss Selby. But it is practically settled and I 
know Bob will win it, for he knows that there is 
nothing that would please me more. 

Ruth. Bob has done so many other things in 
college, Miss Selby, that he really does not need to 
win a scholarship prize to make him a hero. 

Miss Selby. What kind of things? 

Ruth. He is one of the most popular men in the 
whole University, he is President of one Club and 
(Miss Selby nods disinterestedly) he is assistant 
coach of the crew and 

Miss Selby. T should think those things would 
be very distracting to his studies. 

Ruth. 0, not at all, but Miss Selby, there's an- 
other Hammond boy in college, you know, Mousie 
Kent — perhaps the paper meant him. 

Miss Selby. ( with serene complacency) No it 
didn't — it couldn't. Bob isn't going to disappoint 
his Aunt Serena like that. 

Bob. (appears in balcony door) Ruth, they're ask- 
ing for you. (as Miss Selby rises and faces him) 
Why, it can't be — no — yes — my dear Aunt Serena! 
Straight from the skies! (rushes over and embraces 
her) 

Miss Selby. (livens up at sight of Bob) No, not 
from the skies — from Hammond. Pretty far in the 
other direction. My dear Robert, how good it is to 
see you again, (holds him at arms' length) You 
are looking splendid ! You told me you were half 
starved, you scamp. You do look thin that's a fact. 
You have been working too hard. 

Bob. That is the result of training, Aunt Serena. 
T wish you had been down here for the race. We are 
celebrating our victory to-night, out of the dandy box 
you sent me. (puts arm around her affectionately) 
You look just as sweet as ever. Isn't she a dear little 
woman, Ruth? (turns to Ruth) Do you wonder 
I'm proud of my little aunt ? 



THE VARSITY COACH 27 

Miss Selby. Ruth! Good gracious — is that 
Ruth? And I've been askin' her what kind of a girl 
the Ruth was that you're in love with. 

Ruth, (turns away embarrassed) Oh, Miss Selby! 

Miss Selby. (enthusiastically to Bob) I've been 
a readin' about the Fellowes prize, and I came down 
hopin' to see them bestow it on you. 

Bob. But Aunt Serena, I never said I was com- 
peting for it. 

Miss Selby. 'Course not. You never said you 
was goin' to win the boat race neither 'til after you'd 
up and done it. (pick* up letter from desk) Here's 
a letter I brought in for vou. 

Bob. (receives it) Excuse me while I take a look. 

Miss Selby. I don't like the way you've draped 
that mantel-piece, (goes over to it — Bob and Ruth 
at other side of room) 

Bob. (opens letter: takes out pink card; in a low 
tone to Ruth) The faculty has sent me the pink 
card, Ruth. That means I've flunked. The axe has 
fallen on Robert Selby at last ! 

Ruth, (sorrowfully) Oh, I'm sorry ! 

Bob. (indicating Miss Selby, still busy draping 
mantel) Get her out of here a minute, will you? 
For heaven's sake — get her out. 

Ruth. Oh, do come out on the balcony. Miss 
Selby. It's cooler there — and you'll enjoy the lights. 
And I want my aunt to know you. 

Miss Selby. Well, if my hair isn't too mussed 
from the train ! 

Ruth. Your hair is all right. Do come. Miss 
Selby. 

Miss Selby. And I didn't put it up in crimpin' 
pins — I had so much to do before I started — Comin' 
too, Robert? 

Bob. Presently. Aunt Serena. 

(Exit onto balcony, Ruth and Miss Selby. Outside 



28 THE VARSITY COACH 

the boys and girls sing " For lie's a Jolly Good 
Fellow " and other songs to end of act, the sing- 
ing must grow softer and softer till end. Bob 
lowers the light a bit — and illumination outside 
groivs brighter as if by contrast. For a moment 
Bob sits, his face buried in his hands.) 

Bob. (takes out card reading it thoughtfully) I've 
flunked — flunked — what a disgrace — what a finish. 
And she, poor loving Aunt Serena, thought I had 
won the Fellowes prize — what a disappointment for 
her 

"Ruth, (enters softly and comes up to him) I got 
away from the others as soon as I could. 

Bob. 1 knew I was up against it all right a month 
ago, but somehow it didn't seem as if it could really 
happen. Flunked — By George! 

Ruth. Isn't there some way out? Some way to 
get another chance? 

Bob. Perhaps from Wilson — but Professor Turner 
will never give me credit for that physics. If I only 
had the notes ! 

Ruth. Can't you get them? 

Bob. I think not. Well, Ruthie girl, you see you 
sized me up all right. Too much brawn in mine and 
not enough brain 

Ruth. I never said quite that. 

Bob. But don't think it was just because I wanted 
to be a sort of hero that I made the most of myself 
in athletics. It was all for the sake of our Old Alma 
Mater. It was for her honor — her glory — I was 
working — just the same as any dig who turns out 
honor-man of his class. But — it seems I wasn't big 
enough to be a serious student too. I don't wonder 
that you were disappointed in me — had no more use 
for me. 

Ruth, (intensely) What are you going to do — 
that's what I want to know. What are you going to 
do? 



TIlE VARSITY COACH 20 

Bob. (gritting his teeth) Win out yet, by Jimmy ! 
-Ruth, (with emotion) NOW, I'm not disap- 
pointed. 

Bob. If you'll excuse me for a little while I'll take 
a turn round the campus until T get my head pulled 
together. I've disgraced the Selby name, and it will 

just about break Aunt Serena's heart. Of course 

with all the fight I propose to put up — T may not be 
able to re-enter college next fall — but— the'fidit is 
on! And I'm going to win. 

(Pulls <ap moodily over his eyes and exits.) 

Ruth, (speaks slowly after him) Bobbie, if von 
shouldn't come back next fall— what would 'the 
crew do — and tbe dramatic society— and the boys and 
—and— mo— mo- Bobbie ! If you only knew— how 
much I cared ! You've got to make good, Bobbie— 
you've got to. T say — we can't spare you! 

(Her voire breaks. She moves slowly toward 
balcony. Pushes aside the curtain and stands in 
a full blaze of light. Voices outside heard sing- 
ing " Good Night Ladies.") 

CURTAIX. 



ACT III. 



Scene: — University campus a Week later. Rustic 
benches. Trees. Shruhhery etc. 

(Mrs. Moore and Miss Selby enter left cross path 
and come to rustic bench.) 

Mrs. Moore. I am glad you are feeling so much 



30 THE VARSITY COACH 

belter Miss Selby. We just want you to rest up and 
enjoy every minute of your visit. 

Miss Selby. thank you, I am quite rested now. 
The late hours and new faces tired me at first. I am 
afraid I've been a great bother to you. 

^ r !is. Moore. Not one bit in the world, you dear 
lady, if you'd only let us wait on you a little. 

Miss Selby. I live very quietly at home, but I 
am so glad to have this opportunity to see Robert's 
friends, the college and all you who have been so 
kind to him. 

Mrs. Moore. And we are so glad to have you here. 
You must make yourself perfectly at home and stay 
as long as ever you can. I hope the boys don't annoy 
you. Sometimes my table is a perfect Bedlam with 
all those noisy boys. And sometimes, it seems Miss 
Selby, as if my head would fly right off with all their 
rackets ! 

Miss Selby. They appear to be good boys, but I 
suppose they have not had the proper home train inn. 

Mbs. Moobe. They are the best fellows in the 
world, and well brought up too, Miss Selby. (sniffs) 
But I have noticed that home training slips off like 
water on a duck's back when a bunch of boys get 
together. 

Mrs. Selby. (sadly) Yes I have noticed that even 
Robert is different. 

Mrs. Moore, (heartily) Bob is a gentleman 
through and through. I haven't met many such, Miss 
Selby. You know I have had to take care of myself 
most of my life. Sometimes I think I could do more 
for the boys if T had had more opportunities. 

Miss Selby. 0. Mrs. Moore. I could never do what 
you do for them, and you understand them so well 
too. Now I don't believe I will ever get used to their 
ways, but Mrs. Moore I am so disappointed about the 
Prize. 



THE VARSITY COACH 31 

Ruth, (enters and goes to Miss Selby) I hope 
you are feeling more cheerful, Miss Selby. You 
mustn't be downcast about the prize business. Of 
course I know it was a big disappointment. 

Ruth, {eagerly, to Miss Selby) But Bobbie is 
all right, and ten times more popular with the fellows 
than Kent will ever Be. 

.Miss Selby. I'm not finding fault with my 
nephew — he's the dearest, best boy in the world in 
my eyes — but I can't help feeling that he hasn't made 
the best of his opportunities. Robert seems to have 
been a social lion, an athlete, and evervthinsr but a 
student. 

Ruth, (earnestly) I'm sure Bobbie realizes his 
mistakes himself now. 

Miss Selby. I suppose I'm selfishly wrapped up 
in the boy. I might have known that Theodore 
Kent's son was just as likely to win a scholarship 
prize as my nephew — but to have him get a card from 
the faculty that means he must leave college in dis- 
grace — (puts handkerchief to eyes) 

Ruth. Oh, no, Miss Selby — he leaves the Uni- 
versity with flying colors judged by the popular 
standard. 

Mrs. Moore, (nods) That is one of the enigmas 
of the present student life ! 

Miss Selby. I don't believe I'll ever get used to 
all this worship of athletics. My brother's student 
life in former days was so different ! 

Ruth, (with an appreciative smile) I suppose if 
he could see Bob and the others — practicing- a 
Marathon run 

Miss Selby. (expressing horrified feeling of 
brother) He'd send for the police! Bob's father 
was such a gentleman too — always dressed in black 
broadcloth and white ties — just like the elergv! 

Ruth, (laughs) I wonder what he'd have thought 
of one of our familiar visions — a hundred students 



32 THE VARSITY COACH 

swaggering down the campus with their hands in the 
pockets of drab corduroys, dusty sombreros pulled 
down over their noses, and their scholarly bosoms 
covered with husky sweaters in forty different stages 
of dilapidation ! 

Mrs. Moore, (smiles) Yes, times have changed, 
Miss Selby, but the boys hearts are all right, my 
dear. 

Miss Selby. (nods rather dubiously) Yes, but 
it's heads that count in college, isn't it? 

Mrs. Moore, (rising) Well, I must go now and 
see if dinner is on the way. Perhaps you would like 
to take Miss Selby over to the boat-house. Ruth. 

Ruth. I should love to do so. (exit Mrs. Moore) 
Do you care to see it, Miss Selby ? 

Miss Selby. Some other time, dear, before I go 
away. Just now I'd rather sit and talk with you. It 
seems to me you look a little tired — as if you'd been 
working too hard. 

Ruth. We are always in more or less of a mad 
rush here. Sometimes I think college life is just a 
mental gymnasium to test the strength of every 
capacity a person possesses. But at the present mo- 
ment I'm not so much tired as worried. It seems to 
me that I must manage to help Bob somehow — he 
and I have been such good friends. 

Miss Selby. The boy is working so hard now — at 
his desk almost every minute since I came! 

Ruth. Miss Selby, I have an idea that I know 
some one who has those physics notes if I just dared 
ask for them. 

Miss Selby. That's what I heard him say he 
needed worst — those lecture notes. My poor Robert ! 

Ruth. Don't let him know that you pity him 
whatever von do. Miss Selby. It is for his good that 
you shouldn't. We mustn't pity him — but just help 
him if we can. (Howard enters up stage and starts 



THE VARSITY COACH 33 

to cross campus. Ruth sees and hails him) Oh, 
wait a minute, Howard, will you ? 

Howard, (lifting hat) As a waiter I am peerless 
(comes down) 

Ruth, (eagerly) Can you tell me if Mousie Kent 
was at Student Body election this afternoon? 

Howard. He was. — sitting off alone as usual. 

Ruth. And do you know where he went from 
there ? 

Howard. Usually at this hour he is in his room 
buried in a profound book. But a strange change 
has come over Kent of recent days. 

Ruth. How ? 

Howard. He's growing human, almost senti- 
mental. In fact I saw him ambling moonily toward 
the lake as I came up the campus. 

Ruth. Which way? (Howard looks at her and 
gives an amazed whistle) Oh, you needn't act as if 
you thought there was any crush on between Mousie 
and me, for there isn't. This is a business matter in 
the interests of — of — a friend. 

Howard, (looking off) Methinks T see the gentle- 
man yonder. He is walking abstractedly toward a 
flag pole. 

Ruth, (following Howard's glance) There — he 
ran into it ! 

Howard. And bumped his nose ! That's char- 
acteristic of Mousie all right. 

Ruth. T must catch him. Excuse me Miss Selby, 
and I'll explain to you later. (Howard lifts his hat 
and exits) Anyhow there comes Bob. (as she makes 
hasty exit, Bon enters leisurely from opposite side) 

Miss Selby. Kuth has just gone. 

Bor. (looking after her) T know it. Even- time 
she sees me she does the disappearing act. t have 
had scarcely a word with her since you arrived a week 
ago. 



34 THE VARSITY COACH 

Miss Selby. (smiles enigmatically) The ways of 
women are passing strange. 

Bob. (moodily sits beside her) Aunt Serena, I am 
up against it for those physics notes, and I guess it's 
to be a long period of home and the hoe for Bobbie, 
with interludes of running the Weekly Xews and 
planting fence-posts. Professor Turner will give me 
a chance IF I make up the conditions during the 
summer — nor otherwise. I can do it if only I can 
be helped out on those notes, but if I can't 

Miss Selby. I've got the feeling somehow that 
maybe you will be. (looks after Ruth — his eyes 
follow Iters) 

Bob. (Jealously) I wonder it "Ruth really finds 
Mousie Kent interesting. She looks as if she did. 
Lucky old Mouse ! Well, I must get back to my desk ! 
I've more than one scheme in mind that may make 
you proud of me yet, Aunt Serena. 

Miss Selby. Well, just so it isn't anything that 
breaks your neck or legs while you're doing it. I'll 
walk up to the dormitory with you. 

Bob. You are the kindest, most liberal little 
woman that ever lived. Shall we go in now. (rises, 
escorts Miss Selby up stage) 

Miss Selby. Yes, I want to dress before dinner, 
(touches his sweater lovingly but somewhat reprov- 
ingly) and dear won't you put on a white shirt, just 
for the evening. 

Bob. (Icisses her and laughs) Course I will, Aunt 
Serena, you're bound to make a gentleman, of me. 
(turns as he goes in) I wonder what Ruth wanted 
of Kent? (exit Selby and Aunt Sebena) 

(Enter from opposite side Ruth, followed by Mousie 

Kext.) 

Mousie. I am honored. Miss Moore, that you 
should care to talk with me. I — I find that my 



THE VARSITY COACH 35 

society is not interesting to the girls as a rule. How 
can I serve you ? 

Ruth, (smiles) Xow what made you guess that 
I was going to ask a favor of you ? 

Mousie. I usually find that there is some string- 
to it when the girls care to talk to me. You'll 
pardon my frankness in saying so? 

Ruth, (a trifle nonpulssed) Oh, Mr. Kent, you 
shouldn't look at it like that. 

Mousie. Then you didn't have any special object 
in hailing me? 

Ruth, {evasively, confused) Hasn't this been a 
glorious day ? Ideal weather for Junior week. 

Mousie. I suppose so. I hadn't noticed. 

Ruth, (looking off) Isn't the lake lovely? Such 
colors! I wonder what gives it that strange violet 
tint. 

Mousie. (in his element for the first time) The 
phenomena of light is the result of the undulations 
which the luminous body excites in the luminiferous 
ether pervading all space, and the molecular inter- 
stices of all bodies. The presence of atmospheric 
dust combined with the reflections from the water, 
gives color to the ether set in motion by the sun, and 
the result is 

(He gives a generally expansive gesture and then 
looks at Ruth as if for complete understanding 
from her of the facts detailed.) 

Ruth, (with flattering admiration) How well 
informed you are ! I never heard any student state 
facts more clearly. 

Mousie. Physics is my specialty, you know. 

Ruth, (guardedly) Seems to me that I have 
heard that it was. So difficult too! How did you 
ever happen to choose physics? 

Mousie. I always had a bent in that direction. 
I have ambitions to become an expert. I shall try 
for the assistantship here after I graduate. 



36 THE VARSITY COACH 

Euth. A college professor! Just think of it! 
But it's a natural evolution after all. You've been 
such a scholarly student — taken careful notes in all 
your classes 

Mousie. Ah, Miss Moore, I pride myself upon my 
clear and voluminous notes! I have them all in 
separate tablets — type-written and indexed! 

Ruth. Mr. Kent, will you loan me your note- 
book on Professor Turner's Physics course? 

Mousie. Did I describe the book so interstingly 
then ? 

Ruth. Oh, I wanted the notes long before that — 
before T spoke to you this afternoon, in fact. 

Mousie. (mournfully) The string — I knew it! 
There always IS a string. 

Ruth. Well, suppose for this once I own to the 
string. Will you loan me those notes ? 

Mousie. With pleasure. 
' Ruth. Oh, thank you! (clasps her hands in 
gratitude) 

Mousie. On one condition. 

Ruth. What condition? 

Mousie. That you do not permit them to fall into 
the hands of Mr. Robert Selby. 

Ruth. So the favor has a string to it too! 
(coldly) Never mind then, Mr. Kent. Keep your 
notes to yourself. 

Mousie. Wait a minute Miss Moore, please. 

Ruth. Well? . . 

Mousie. Let me explain my position in this 

matter. 

Ruth. Explain? Evidently you know perfectly 
well that for the want of those notes Bobbie must 
meet disgrace at the hands of Professor Turner. 
You could save him, and you refuse. There is only 
one explanation — you are not his friend. 

Mousie. No, there's another one. Bob Selby has 
everything that I have not— popularity— athletic skill 



THE VARSITY COACH 37 

—looks, also the admiration of the only girl I ever 
cared for in my life. We entered college together. 
All I could do was grind, while listening to the big 
splash he was making. The Pellowes prize and my 
record in Physics are the only cards in the deck that 
I hold over him. Why should I turn over any of my 
scant honors to him to add to his triumphs 

Ruth. But it takes nothing away from you — 
being only a loan — and to enable him to keep from 
being flunked out of college 

Motjsie. Shall I confess something that will make 
you hate me very hard? 

Ruth, (bewildered) Confess? 

Mousie. (with bitterness) I've wanted to see 
Selby flunked out of college. T hoped it might give 
me a little superiority in your eyes if he went under 
with all his good looks and social honors. While that 
hope has died out now — since T realize the extreme 
interest you take in his case— I feel no more kindly 
toward him than T did. 

Ruth. Mousie Kent, T feel sorry for you. 

Mousie. (moved) You do? 

Ruth. Don't misunderstand me! I'm sorrv that 
you don't realize why you haven't friends, popularity. 
I have heard you complain before that you weren't 
good looking, and lively and affable and that that 
accounted for it. But it doesn't. You're so wrapped 
up in your own narrow life that you don't know — 
never have known — the glory of giving yourself to 
your friends and for your friends. 

Mousie. What reward 

Ruth, (quickly interrupting) Giving without 
hope of reward, or thought of it. That's what Bobbie 
Selby does — that's why everybody likes him. 

Mousie. I'll make a note of that and think it 
over. 

Ruth. It wouldn't hurt you to take a few notes 



38 THE VARSITY COACH 

on friendship. It's the subject you need most, Mr. 
Kent, if I am any judge. 

(Mousie produces a book from his pocket — she goes 
on talking without noticing this move on his 
part. ) 

The man who wants friends must learn how to be a 
friend — (he makes notes as she talks) and to know 
how to be a friend, a real friend, is to help when help 
is needed — and the knowledge of just that is worth 
more than all the product of grind you can pile up 
in a thousand years ! 

Mousie. (sourly) I'd be a good friend enough 
if others were friendly to me. 

Euth. There you are ! Trying to make it a mat- 
ter of an eye for an eye. Friendship is a gift or it 
is nothing. {growing more and more indignant) 
Oh 7 I'd rather be Bob Selby's big, generous self 
flunked out of college, than you — narrow and dwarfed 
as you stand now — if you were elected President to- 
morrow, Good-afternoon ! 

(Exits, chin in air.) 

Mousie. (quietly, as if having received a valu- 
able if disagreeable hint) Notes ! (sits and scrib- 
bles) 

(Enter Bob, rushed on by Howard and Chester 
and other students. They give a college yell as 
they enter. They are followed by Mrs. Moore, 
Miss Selby, Daisy, Ethel and Genevieve. 
Mousie remains to one side, scribbling.) 
Bob. Great Scott! why am I shanghaied at the 
domitorv door and brought aboard like this? 

Howard. Why weren't you at your funeral this 
afternoon ? 

Bob. (puzzled) What's the trouble? What has 

happened ? 



THE VARSITY COACH S3 

Ethel, {advances slightly toward group, Daisy 
and Genevieve of cither side of her) You're elected! 

Genevieve. Head coach ! 

Dick. Bob looks stunned ! 

Chester. I believe he'd forgotten he was in line 
for the honor. 

Bob-. I had forgotten. 

Daisy. Speech ! Speech ! 

Genevieve. Don't be bashful ! (as Ruth enters) 
Why weren't you at Student Body meeting, Ruth 
Moore ? 

Ruth. Why, what happened ? 

Omnes. Head-coach elected ! 

Howard. Three cheers for Bobbie and 

Bob. No — please don't. Fellows. T thank you for 
the honor you have offered me — but (exhibits pink 
card) this explains why I cannot think of accepting 
it. 

Howard. Oh, come now, Bob. Surely old Turner 
came through when you explained everything? 

Bob. Not unless I produce those notes on his pet 
lectures — and that is impossible. It's hard to say 
no, fellows. I'd rather be head-coach than a million- 
aire, but I'd rather be game in a pinch than either. 
Without those notes — I've got to slave like a Trojan 
all summer. You'll have to give Harding the job. 

Miss Selby. I don't know whether Robert is right 
or wrong, but I do know he is giving up something 
that would prove a great happiness to him. 

Mrs. Moore. And it means giving up a thousand 
a year too ! 

Howard. Hang the thousand a year ! It means 
the best man for the job can't take it ! 

Mousie. (quietly, advancing) Maybe he can. 
Selby. if those Physics notes of mine will be of any 
help to vou, I'll send them around to-night. 

Bob. * You— of all men! Why should YOU do 
this? 



40 THE VARSITY COACH 

Mousie. (reads from notes in embarrassed haste) 
" The man who wants friends mnst know how to be 
a friend — a friend in need, and that's worth more 
than all the product of grind you can pile up in a 
thousand years." Am I right, Miss Moore? 

Ruth. You are — and there's the hand of a friend 
to prove it. (gives him her hand) 

Bob. And my hand, with a thousand thanks, old 
chap ! 

Howard. I say, Mousie, we've all been misjudging 
you — but you're the real thing after all — and here- 
after you're one of us! (he shakes Mousie's hand, 
and others do likewise rapid!;/ in turn) 

Dick, (referring to Bob) And now that Richard 
is himself again — all hail to the new varsity coach ! 

(Students lift Jiim to their shoulders.) 

Omnes. (following the crowd as they start march- 
ing around stage with Bob) Hurrah! Hurrah! 
Hurrah ! for The Varsity Coach. 

(Waving of handkerchiefs, singing of College songs, 
general shouting until fall of curtain.) 

CURTAIN. 
Time — A year later. 



ACT IV. 



Scene : — College Campus illuminated with lanterns 
and decorated with Flags, etc., — The general 
effect to be a gala night on the Campus by 
moonlight, as it is the night of the fienor Class 
Reception. While this scene should be elab- 






THE VARSITY COACH 41 

orate as possible, the decorations, etc., must he 
left to the artistic taste of the Stage Manager 
with whatever material may be available. 

The curtain rises on the Grand March which in- 
augurates the Senior Dance. The March intro- 
duces all the characters and as many more 
couples as may be obtainable, so as to make the 
march a feature by introducing as many couples 
as possible, the girls wearing their pretty cos- 
tumes, which will give the scene a realistic 
effect. Of course this can be modified if re- 
quired. 

The Students carry college flags, banners, etc., 
—They indulge in fancy marching evolutions 
lasting for a space of twelve or fifteen minutes 
when the march breaks up into a waltz, and the 
action of the play is resumed. This introduc- 
tion should be carefully studied out and pre- 
pared for it adds greatly to the atmosphere and 
general effectiveness of the final act. 

(As the waltz stops Omnes exit except Mousie and 
Genevieve who come down.) 

Genevieve. (fanning herself) What a lovely 
waltz. You never danced at all last year! 

Mofste. Since then I've learned that it is better 
to live in a sort of sandwitch fashion — a layer of 
work, and a layer of play, very systematically ar- 
ranged. 

Genevieve. Well, T believe myself that a life of 
all work or all play is a failure. 

Mousie. T am trying very bard to become a shin- 
ing example of flip sandwich system. 

Genevieve. You're succeeding splendidly! 

Mouste. Miss "Rutb Moore was responsible for 
my change of heart. She gave me a calling down a 
year ago that jolted me so hard it cracked my schol- 
astic shell and released me. 



42 THE VARSITY COACH 

Genevieve. And you don't know how you've im- 
proved since you've been one of the fellows ! 

Mousie. Thank you! I'm proud to be called 
" one of the fellows." 

{Enter Bob, Ruth, Howard, Daisy, Miss Selby.) 

Ruth. Oh, Miss Selby, we are all so happy to 
have you with us again — and for the Senior dance. 

Miss Selby. I just couldn't miss it. I've danced 
every dance so far but three. Bob, do you think I 
am getting too giddy for the guardian aunt of a col- 
lege man ? 

Bob. (fondly and laughingly) You've always 
been a sport at heart, only you didn't know it, Aunt 

Serena. 

Ruth. She's always been a college-girl at heart — 
just as I hope I always shall be. 

Daisy. And I ! 

Howard. This certainly has been a great year. 
It's made a rooter out of Miss Selby, a sassiety man 
out of Mousie (slaps Mousie on the bach as he comes 
down with Genevieve), a dig of Bob 

Bob. (interrupting) And an engaged man of 
old Howard here ! 

Howard, (drawing Daisy's arm proudly through 
his own) Can you blame me? she said she wasn't 
looking for furniture, but 

Daisy. (looking at him affectionately) This 
choice specimen of the antique was something I 
couldn't quite forego. 

Genevieve, (turning up her nose slightly) 
spoons ! 

Mrs. Moore, (entering) Miss Selby, I've been 
looking for you everywhere. . Professor Brown says 
he wants to put his name on your card as his part- 
ner in the Reel 

Miss Selby. (in mock agitation) My gracious, 
let's go find him before he makes up his mind to ask 
some one else ! 



THE VARSITY COACH 43 

(Exits, foil owe d by Mrs. Moore. Mousie and Gene- 
vieve, Howard and Daisy exit, chat liny, and 
IiUTH and Bob are left alone. They sit on rustic 
bench.) 

Ruth. Tell me all about it, Bobbie. Why aren't 
you happy at the Senior dance when you've made such 
a splendid year's record in your studies, and are 
chosen valedictorian of your class? 

Bob. You guessed I wasn't happy then ? 

Ruth. I didn't guess — I knew. What's the mat- 
ter. Bob? 

Bob. I heard some news to-night, "Ruth, that 
made me feel as if I had received another pink card. 

Ruth. Why, how is that possible? 

Bob. (drawing a newspaper from his pocket) 
The Hammond home paper. It says that the prize 
for the college opera, for which as is customary, this 
year's Seniors have competed, has been awarded to a 
Hammond boy 

Ruth, (eagerly) A Hammond boy? 

Rob. The same who won the Fellowes prize last 
year — Mousie Kent ! 

Rfttt. (amazed) Mousie Kent! Is it possible? 
Why, T never dreamed he was artistic, or poetic, or 
imaginative enough for that. 

Bob. He was, it seems. 

Rfttt. But why should that make yon bine? So 
Ion? as vou weren't one of the competitors vour- 
sel f ■ ' 

Bob. But T was. I've been slaving at it for a whole 
year in secret. You see — T wanted to do something 
more than merely pull_ out of the mess T was in, 
Ruth. I'd met my Waterloo and had set my mind 
on making up for it in some way to the old Uni- 
versity — to Aunt Serena — and to you, Ruth. I put 
the best of which T was capable into the opera — and 
only to fail. I tell you it's a set-back ! 



44 THE VARSITY COACH 

Ruth. Don't look at it that way. ■ After all — the 
glory was in the trying — real success means doing- 
one's best — not the result of one's best ! And think 
of your splendid record for the year 

Bob. How good of you, Ruthie, to try to make me 
see the bright side! But — it means more than you 
think — my failing to land the prize. It may change 
the course of my whole future life. 

Ruth. How is that possible? 

Bob. That opera was woven of fair dreams- that 
I hoped to see realized. A girl's sweet face looked 
out at me from every page. To succeed meant to 
make me feel worthy in a slight degree to ask that 
girl to be my inspiration through life. But now — 
it wouldn't be right to tell her how I love her — how 
I have loved her from that first serious talk we had 
together when she tried first to make a real student 
of me. 

Ruth, (smiling tenderly but mischievously) So 
now you intend to keep your devotion a secret, eh? 

Bob. You're not laughing at me, Ruth? 

Ruth. No, I'm laughing because I'm so happy, 
Bob. Why, don't you realize that your caring for 
me is enough to make me forget — (Mousie and 
Genevieve enter unseen) 

Bob. Ruth ! (he seizes both her hands in his) 

Mousie. I beg pardon. 

Bob. (turning rather impatiently) You ought 
to. 

Mousie. (excitedly) T just thought I'd like to 
ask somebodv's congratulations. I can't keep it to 
myself, you know 

Bob. ^walking up manfully and giving Mousie 
his hand) I do congratulate you, Kent, with all my 
heart. I'd give anything to have won the prize my- 
self 

Mousie. (half apprehensively) Wh-what, you 
wanted Genevieve too? (slips an arm, about Gen- 
evieve) 



THE VARSITY COACH 45 

Bob. Heavens, no ! (as Genevieve pouts) Ex- 
cuse me, Genevieve, but I — I mean I was speaking of 
another prize entirely — the one for the college 
opera 

Mousie. I want to be congratulated on something 
worth while — my engagement. Genevieve has con- 
sented to be Mrs. Assistant Professor for life ! 

"Ruth, (kisses Genevieve) Oh, I'm so glad for 
you, Gen ! And I hope you'll be very happy. Con- 
gratulations, Mousie ! (gives him her hand) 

Bob. And I. (shakes Kent's hand) But I must 
congratulate you on the opera too ! 

Mousie. I didn't compete. Why should you con- 
gratulate me? 

Ruth, (amazed) Didn't compete? 

Mousie. Never took notes on opera in my life. 
Loathe opera ! 

Bob. But the Hammond paper 

Mousie. Expects me to go on winning all the 
prizes just because \ won the Fellowes one last year. 
It's a mistake — that's all. 

Howard, (appearing at side) Silence in the 
court, (enters, followed by Omnes not already on 
the stage) Stand forth, Robert Selby! 

Bob. What on earth are you driving at? 

Miss Selby. (with hysterical joy) At you, my 
dearest nephew ! 

Howabd. (reads loudly from scroll in his hand) 
Notice ! The prize for this year's college opera has 
been awarded to Mr. Robert Selby of Hammond. 
Illinois ! 

Bob. (in blank astonishment) Great Scott ! 

Howard. (continues reading) " This is con- 
sidered a singular honor as the opera is supposed to 
be in excellent literary form, and to embody in a 
popular and worthy manner the ideals of the univer- 
sity, to be passed on from one outgoing class to the 
next as typical of what his college years have meant 



46 THE VARSITY COACH 

to the graduate. It is with great pleasure that we 
award the prize to Mr. Selby's opera, entitled The 
Varsity Coach, because the author has always shown 
a splendid college spirit, which has manifested itself 
in every sphere of college activity. It seems most 
fitting that he should be the prize winner for the col- 
lege opera of 19 — 

Miss Selby. (almost weeping) Oh, Robert, Rob- 
ert, my dear boy! (embraces him) 

Dick. How did you do it, Bob — how did you ever 
do it? 

Chester. It's great, Bob — I'm mighty glad! 

Mrs. Moore. What's the opera about? Won't 
you tell us, Bob? 

Chester. Who is the leading lady? 

Bob. The opera is about college life. The leading 
lady ? Well, you all know there's never been but one 
leading lady in my individual college life — and when 
the opera is produced — will you take the part, Ruth? 

Ruth, (shyly) I'll think it over? 

Bob. There's another and longer contract I'd like 
to offer you 

Ruth, (smiles) I'll think that over, too ! 

Mousie. I say, fellows, here's three cheers for 
Robert Selby — who is welcome to all the prizes — 
(draws Genevieve toward him) but one! 

Howard. Three cheers and a tiger! 

(Bob stands with Ruth at one side of him and Miss 
Selby the other, smiling and happy.) 

Omnes. Bah, rah, rah, Tiger! 

CURTAIN. 

SECOND CURTAIN. Everybody dancing the 
Virginia Reel. 



OCT 16 1912 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 



016 103 251 7 




